Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
