I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
