Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
