i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
