i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
