She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
