Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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