Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize