I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
