Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His nipple licking is glorious
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