Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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