Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
