Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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