i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
