so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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