just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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