Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
