Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
