i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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