He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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