I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
