My room smells like vodka and shame
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
