last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
