I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
