I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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