When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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