If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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