We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
