I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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