If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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