my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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