I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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