it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize