After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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