i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
