Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
