The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
