It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
