He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
