so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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