My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
