Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My bed smells like the plague
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