We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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