problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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