I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
