I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
