my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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