There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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