Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
