I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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