you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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