We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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