I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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