Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
