my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want nice things and good sex
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
