I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
