Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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