We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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