So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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