i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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