I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
