Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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