once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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