Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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