how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
